What I Know.

I won't ever give up.  I will always fight.

Loving...

Real winter weather. I miss Colorado so much sometimes and the crisp cold air and snow have been so refreshing.


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Loving...

The new phone I got from Manassehclause. It's so crazy to have so much technology right in my pocket! Hopefully it will help me stay more connected too.



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Struggle.

Sometimes I wonder if I will always struggle so much. 


I know that life is hard for everybody and we all struggle, but it seems that some things should be easy. It really seems that they are for other people. 


The hard things I don't mind fighting with. It's the things that should be easy.


Will I always struggle this much? I don't know.


I hope not.


*Allison

Lend.

As Americans we have soooo much. We have so many things. Most of us have way too many things.  

But, it's not like that every where.

Recently I have found the most amazing opportunity to use our resources to bring real change into the lives of those who have less than us.

It is called Kiva.


What makes Kiva particularly attractive to me is that it is not just an opportunity to give, but to help people change their own lives.

Kiva works by using the internet to connect people in harsh circumstances who need loans to pursue business endeavors with people who probably spend that same amount of money in a month going out to eat.

Here's how it works. You go to Kiva.org and browse the profiles of borrowers. You can find out what the loan is for, how much the borrower is requesting and the repayment terms. Then you lend the money. 

Over time you get your money back and then have the option to pull it out of the system or lend it to someone else.

Theoretically, you could use the same $100 over a period of years and help many families make a better life for themselves.

What is a little sacrifice for us could be a huge blessing for someone working hard to improve there circumstances.


So, please... Lend.


You can click here to read about Alwal Debora, a Sudanese woman who helps support her family by selling coal from her home and is requesting a loan of $200.

Loving...

The Adam L/Soulmana Sesame Street sampler. They put it together to commemorate Sesame Streets 40th Anniversary. It's fun to listen to, clever, and my husband did an amazing job on the art work.

Thinking...

It's funny how so many things don't seem like they will be fun to do until you start doing them and then its a blast.

Loving...

Getting the opportunity to do make up for other people.  New face= a whole new canvas.  Plus, women tend to be way more interested than my husband. He is a kind and caring man and listens to plenty of make up talk... but a guy can only take so much :)

Cutter.

It's weird how being a cutter has turned into some kind of a trend. And a joke.


I hear cutter jokes all the time. I also hear a lot about how people only cut themselves for attention.


I guess it is an easy target.


The truth is a lot of people just don't understand it. To many, many people it doesn't make sense that a person would willingly take a blade to their skin. It doesn't make sense that feeling pain on your arm could dull the pain in your heart. It doesn't make sense that seeing your own blood could bring a temporary sense of calm.


But for some of us it makes perfect sense.


I don't know what it comes from, but definitely not a need for attention. I mean, I'm sure there are plenty of teens that do it so people will pay attention to them, feel bad for them or be scared/hurt, but it would think it's a minority.


I once heard someone say that depression is just anger turned inward. That may be the answer. Maybe I feel better if I have "paid" for my short comings. Maybe I have an sense of the truth that all sin must be paid for with blood and so I can alleviate my own guilt by bleeding.


In the end it's just another perversion of the truth.


The truth is that any wrong I have done has already been paid for with blood, and not mine. The truth is that it was "by His stripes" that I have been healed, not my own.


The problem with it, what makes it so enticing... is that it works. I mean it doesn't "work" work. It doesn't solve your problems. But it can make you feel better for a bit.


That is the problem with most self destructive behavior though. Doesn't Dr. Phil always say something to the effect that we behave the way we do because we are getting some kind of pay off for it? If there was no payoff we wouldn't do it.


I think that worst part about it is that it feels a little crazy. It seems like such a great idea at the time but afterward the thought of anyone seeing it is horrifying. It's like everyone is going to think you are suicidal or something. (Which is not true at all, by the way).


I guess that answer for me and for anyone else is the same answer for any destructive behavior that tries to entice us- confess to others and remind yourself of the truth.


By HIS stripes I am healed.
*Allison

Feeling...

Good. And calm.  I could get used to this.